I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
