Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
