hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
