his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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