i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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