Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
