My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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