Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
