My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
