he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
