There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
