Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
