so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
