i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
