I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
