It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
