When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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