4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Can Purell be used as lube?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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