Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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