We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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