RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it hurts more in the daytime
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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