Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my being single is dangerous.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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