they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
