Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
