too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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