can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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