My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
