He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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