i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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