im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Let's paint friendship bongs
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
