i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
