That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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