I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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