You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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