we have officially lost it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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