My first STD was from a foam party
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We got so high we made milksteak
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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