The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
