He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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