Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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