Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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