you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So many bounce houses so little time
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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