oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
