I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
