apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
