You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
