I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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