I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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