my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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