so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
