This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
