Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
