By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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